Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
