apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
