When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
