Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
