i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
