The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
