zippers are such a cool invention
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
