Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
