I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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