everyone is single if you try hard enough
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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