is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
