just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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