I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
