Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
