Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
