Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
