it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
