I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
