There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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