Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
