I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
