you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
