i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
