if you like me you must not know who I am
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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