tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think people are normalizing furries
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
