5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
