Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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