is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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