Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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