im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
