I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
