the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
True strength comes from lack of pants
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
