I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
