so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
