one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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