a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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