My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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