So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
