put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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