she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
What a dumb baby whore.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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