After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize