I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
