Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
