the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
