Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
