We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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