he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize