spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
this beer tastes like vomit already
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
