the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
