No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
