Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
