yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
no, he came in my armpit
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
