if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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