there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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