my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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