Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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