i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize