I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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