I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
