I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
