my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
