So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
