she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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