Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
