We're facebook friends in real life
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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