So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
