Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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