How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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