You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
