I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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